Negativity
Sisters of Mercy - Quick Rant
Tuesday, November 4th, 2008 | Negativity | 2 Comments
On the Way Home - Queensborough Bridge - Just Like a Dog
Just got back from the Sisters of Mercy concert and wanted to post a quick rant with my thoughts. When something is really great, or really shite, I just have to get it out.
ARGHHH!!!
I was really pleasantly surprised with Hypernova (opening band). Obviously we wouldn’t have paid $50 / ticket for them, not being familiar with them or anything… No, we spent over $100 to see The Sisters of Mercy for the first time. I’ve been a big fan of theirs for over a decade now and, perhaps, expected too much.
Yes, I admit I expected to hear the vocals sans some effect that literally had them fading in and out every second on top of being drowned out by music. I also would have liked to hear all of Lucretia My Reflection… I would have liked to hear more than 3 minutes of This Corrosion. As I said, I guess I expected too much.
The highlight of the concert, for me, were the cool concert-goers. There were some nifty people there that were into it, making the best of it, and a lot that seemed to just want to connect and have a shared experience. I also enjoyed some of the outfits, smiles, and thoughtfulness. One attendee offered me the spot she was standing in when she noticed a friend of hers was blocking my view. That was *really nice* - and just in time for Lucretia, which, as I mentioned, ended early. *sigh* At least they played it.
My recommendation is that you just save your money and listen to your CDs with a bunch of friends. You might want to check out Hypernova, though, when they’re playing for less than $50 somewhere. I kind of wish I had seen this somewhere in the $20-$25 price range so I wouldn’t be quite as upset. Still upset, granted, but not as. Why, NY, why do you have to charge double what any other city charges for the same show? :(
I admit that though I wasn’t thrilled with the cost of the concert, I was feeling very thankful to be able to afford to go to the show. At the same time, Justin and I were two of the youngest people in attendance, doubtless in part due to the exorbitant price. That was pretty cool. I totally felt like a kid again! :)
Justin grabbed a little video, but you can’t tell much from it. Feel free to check it out, though.
Luckily the Toadies concert is on Thursday, which should be GOOD. I have actually seen The Toadies 5+ times and know what to expect. Weeee!!!
Sept. 11th - almost a freakin’ decade
Friday, September 12th, 2008 | Negativity | 4 Comments
I am posting what I wrote the morning of Sept. 11, 2001 here because of Matt’s post. in years past I’ve gone into detail about how the rest of the day went, but I won’t right now. I’ll let it be a time capsule, untainted by modern interpretations.
Read and get a glimpse into my mind and my life at 21 as a senior in college:
Tuesday, September 11, 2001
8:45 AM
A call this morning from Mike’s mom, and we turn the TV on, in time to see the third plane crashing into the 2nd World Trade Center, in time to see the first disappearing in a puff of smoke, and hear, finally, that one of the planes was an American Airlines plane hijacked from Boston. My first thought, “Thank goodness Dave and Rob don’t really fly out of Boston - They’re international…” My second thought, “But Sheila ISN’T!” I immediately get on the phone to call Sheila. Her voice is raw from crying. She is okay - at home in San Antonio. David was in Chicago about to take off, and Rob was safe at home. Thankfully, all outgoing flights have been canceled, and everyone I care about is safe.
I hang up and start bawling into Mike’s shirt. Eventually I compose myself, temporarily. He runs to school and I call my mom, who is very concerned about me, and is thankful and relieved to hear Sheila is safe and in town. She called Robert first. His cell phone is not working, possibly because the Trade Center Tower #1 has fallen. Suddenly, the second tower collapses into a heap - a pile of dust. I start crying and mom is concerned. She tells me I may be wrong. She can’t believe the whole thing is gone - fallen into a pile of dust. How odd, it seems, when only the top was destroyed the whole thing would crumble. I wonder what they will build there now.
I don’t want to go to school. I want to be with my family. I want to hug Sheila because she is still here; she is ok, thank god…
So the Pentagon was crashed into and the State Dept. was bombed (car bomb). Shade says, “but this means war in our lifetime Ness…this is worst we’ve seen.” and I suppose he’s right. After all, we need something to boost the economy, right Mr. President? I don’t want to believe it was an “inside job.” I don’t want to believe this has happened, period.
I’ve got to go… School starts in 30 minutes, after all.
Life Has Meaning? Suicide, Cutting…
Wednesday, August 20th, 2008 | Negativity | 4 Comments
New Life in Forest Park
For a while in college, I worked part-time as a content editor and web producer for a company called HealthyPlace.com. A large part of my job responsibility was to keep the communities up-to-date. I spent 20 hours or so per week scouring different resources and adding stories and news to the front pages of each community, moderating the journal pages, selected journalers to feature, and at one point I even created a new website to help flesh out (no pun intended) our self-injury community. Looking back, I suppose it wasn’t overly conscientious to call the site “Blood Red” because it could have been a “trigger.” I never really understood that concept. To be honest, I never understood mental illness or why people would flock to websites and communities that centered around them and seemed to sort of promote them. I could open a whole can of worms and write tomes of random narrative here, but I will save that for another time.
I don’t like to approach writing in a structured way at all, but somehow, when an issue is too deep, too personal, or too negative, I find myself staring off blankly, avoiding the computer screen like I’d avoid an uncomfortable relationship oriented conversation. My mind essentially shuts down and I become tired. I don’t know what kind of coping mechanism this is, if it’s one at all. I’d probably achieve better results if I gave myself an outline when I find this happening to me - a tool to get my thoughts back on track.
Last night a friend of mine was rushed to the emergency room because they were talking about suicide, locked themselves in the bathroom with a butcher knife, and proceeded to slash up their arm. This person was treated, held overnight, and released this afternoon. I was understandably upset, saddened, and concerned when I heard this news but I was far from shocked by it. The person in question has been known to ‘cut’ in the past, but this definitely felt like a whole different level. Even if suicide was not actually an intent, anything to this extreme is beyond a cry for help - it is, dear friends (and sister who oh-so-loves Whitman), a Yawp. A big whopping Yawp for help.
It seems to me that suicide, or ‘attempted’ suicide, is the last resort of a person that feels not only depressed but also bored and unequivicolly stuck in their lives. Depression alone is not enough. I think the perception that you’ve gotten yourself completely stuck, immovable, wriggling on a pin (line 55) without a means to escape is the worst spot to be in and the most hopeless. After all, we as a human race have only hope, according to the Greek myth of Pandora and her legendary box, at any rate. It’s the only thing that keeps us going. Hope. Without that, there would be no art, no progress, no society, no you, no I. Nothing. If we had no hope we’d have nothing to keep us here, nothing to strive for. We’d probably all choose to opt out of life.
That’s what I think suicide is. It’s someone that’s come to the end of their tether, regardless of whether things could change for the better in an hour or a day or a week, they’ve come, at that moment, to the end of their tether where absolutely no hope remains. They find themselves stuck and wriggling, depressed, bored, and they say, “This is the end. It’s my end.” And if everything goes according to plan, it is.
Life in Your Hand
Personally, I always tell myself that if things are at their absolute worst and I find myself completely depressed and feeling stuck, I’d give life one last try in a place very far away from the society that I know that’s put me in such a predicament. I would fling myself headfirst into a different world, whether it was the countryside of France or the hills of New Zealand or the busy streets of China. Even if that meant dying in a faraway and altogether unfriendly place, at least I would have tried one last time. Essentially, I would run away. Maybe that’s too optimistic or too immature, but it gives me strength in the darkest and most lonely moments.
It’s truly Sad, the world some of us create for ourselves. I wish I could make it better. What else is out there?
Your insights are appreciated and any words of hope, encouragement, or positive ideas I can pass along are encouraged.
Yesterday was a bit mleh
Friday, March 28th, 2008 | Negativity, Photography, Puppies | 1 Comment
As you can see, there is an awesome photo attached to this post of Justin walking Ruby and Eve. For some reason I was just in such a crappy mood yesterday… I was in the doldrums. I’ve been slipping into that mentality a bit this week and it really sucks. I hate it when I get that way, mostly because I feel like pretty much nothing I do matters. I feel worthless when I get like that. It’s so depressing.
As I was checking out at the grocery store today, an elderly woman spoke to two young men that were sitting near some newspapers and asked “Do you sell any papers that only have good news? …No? Shame.” :) I like the way she thinks.
Good News:
Tomorrow, Justin and I are escaping to Stowe, VT for a weekend of snowshoeing and relaxing at the Trapp Family Lodge. Roxors! I should definitely have no problem having photo fodder from this weekend. :)
Val!’s been kind enough to watch the puppies while we’re gone. Yeehee!!!
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