Being here, driving along 35 coming down from Austin and into San Antonio, I am reminded of the ease of life here. At least my life before I was concerned with having a ‘career’ and the type of meaning I was searching for was of a whole different ilk, something far less tangible yet rewarding to the self and… in an ironic way, hollowing at the same time.

Speaking of time, there used to be so much more of it. Working and planning an event was a real possibility. Val’s graduation party came to mind as I rode home last night. The ease of meeting people at boutiques to shop for dresses, taking responsibility of getting the cake, the flowers, of gathering photos and videos to display to the crowd the night of the grand event. So much more possible planning a graduation party then than even being involved with any wedding planning now. Sometimes I can see it’s taking a toll on Justin, but more often I have to be told. Last night he was in a foul mood over my lack of availablity, and on the train into Manhattan yesterday morning he described a conversation he’d had with someone about the wedding planning. They, asuming stereotypical gender roles and relationship dynamics, asked him how much if at all he was involved with the planning. He frankly told them he was doing almost everything himself. Things like that are heavy weights on my chest, yet I am stubborn and persistent, often in a single-minded way. Somehow, though, despite my work constraints I need to be around more for him, invovled more for him, for us.

How divergent these streams of consciousness can be. A bird bouncing playfully from tree limb to tree limb out front once more distracts me from my sinking thoughts. I’ve been awake for half an hour now with my cup of coffee and my note pad. With my father’s cowboy hat on my head and my clothes selected from the time capsule of my room. Green umbros and a black and silver spaghetti strap xs tank top from Express. Used to adore that store, but think this shirt may’ve been Val’s. As I rummaged through my chest of drawers this morning, I discovered 2 swimsuits I like. I’d been wondering about their fate for a while. Should’ve occurred to me they were in the time capsule. Though coming home has a slightly less bizarre and and eerie affect than it used to. For years, the calendar hanging in my bathroom displayed Oct. 2006, the month we packed up and left for New York. A few visits ago I decided it would be best to change it. Who needs a reminder anyway. Coming home causes one to reflect enough as it is, to remember, to compare – to see how different things are now , how different oneself is now – for better or worse. The floors need to be swept, need to be vaccuumed. My father’s office is a disaster of debris – a miserable thing to walk across. Not that he ever cleaned it. I suspect the culprit of its state lies in the fact that his doting mother, who lives no further than the length of two football fields from here, has distanced herself a bit lately. Family is an interesting game to play.

Anywho – Dad’s 60th birthday party is tonight. Today, my Aunt Sha Sha and cousin Sheila are throwing a bridal shower for me. It is very sweet of them, but there’s still a small, introverted creature inside me that’s not looking forward to the situation.
Ironic human that I am, craving attention while also despising the thought of being the center of it. Time to get ready to get.

Congrats to my nephew, Christian, whose art made it to the big city! When we were in Texas last week for our Holiday celebrations I showed Christian the photograph I have on my phone of the Rockefeller Center tree and he was pretty impressed. Krista told me that he was telling her about it as she was tucking him in that night. That’s when I knew he should be a contributor to the art displays at Rock Center.

So I requested he whip up a sweet little drawing that we could showcase at Rockefeller Center. Thanks to Ness for getting his art put on this Christmas display right next to the elevators that take her to work. Enjoy!

Sandra and Goeril, our German couchsurfers

Yessiry!  I am fixin’ to be saying Howdy to Houston!  I am meeting up with my mom and sister who are already there visiting Ma.  It will be a nice way to spend a couple of days.  Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve really written much.

I just updated the Examiner website with a little blurb on Houston’s Mixers & Elixirs event and linked up Val’s Youtube video. Give it a looksee. :)

In May, we had some great guests from Germany (couchsurfers) stay with us for a few nights (ok, five nights). They even accompanied us to Texas when we went down to celebrate my Mom’s bday (check out the photos)! 

Brennan's Baptism

My little cousin Brennan was also baptized last month (photos on Picasa). He’s grown sooo much in just a short period of time, it’s pretty incredible. I just hope Sheila and Justin, the proud parents, can return to a normal sleep routine soon. Having a newborn is certainly taking a little bit of a toll on them.

Happy 60th Birthday Mom!

Sheila holds Ollie, her creation

A few weeks back, Justin and I were in Brooklyn for an innocent night of TV watching with fellow entertainment addicts.  One of the gals there suggested I attempt to write for the Examiner website.  Her friend was doing it and, apparently, it’s something you can get paid for.  Being in dire need of income, I decided to give it a shot.  After applying for an “adventure travel examiner” position, I received the “outdoor examiner” slot.  Apparently they’re still waiting for their adventure writer to get started, but outdoors is …sort of… …almost… the same.  At any rate, I’ve already earned a whole dollar so far!:D

OK, obviously this is not going to be about the money.  But why not write?  Why not have something positive to focus on that I love doing and a quasi-justifiable reason for doing it?  That’s the way I am looking at this endeavor.  So far, I have written one article on ice climbing in the Catskills and another on vacationing in Rincon, Puerto Rico.  More will surely follow.  Check out my New York Outdoor Examiner page and click my bio to expand that section!  :)

Table of amuse-bouches and finger sandwiches

In other news, my cousin Sheila’s baby shower was onthe 14th.  Val! and I helped Mom get ready for it, as did lots of other family members (notably Sha Sha, Linda and Leanne).  Val! wanted to make some amuse-bouches for the party.  I was her sous chef.  Everything went off remarkably well!  Check out my photos here, Val!’s here, and Sheila’s here.

Sorry we were such unreliable updaters while we were gone.  The truth of the matter is, internet ain’t free (anywhere really, but especially in Australia).  Most of the places we stayed didn’t have wifi and many didn’t offer LAN connections in the room.  We were lucky enough to pay almost $100 at one place for 3 days worth of internet access.  That’s the last time we updated.  I am sure you understand!  ;)

We were lucky enough to make it to the Yarra Valley and taste some incredible wines. We returned with 9 bottles!  It would’ve probably been ten, but we had to remove one due to weight restrictions when flying out of Tasmania.  No big deal – it seemed to make the gate agent’s day a lot better to have a free bottle of wine.  We did buy three bottles of one fun fizzy sweet wine to share with friends when people come over to be bored to tears by our photos.  Wee!  So yeah, the Yarra Valley was beautiful, fun, and tasty!  It definitely seems like a cool place to spend the weekend as many of the wineries have weekend events and concerts.  One winery we visited had a band shell that can accommodate 10,000 people.  Whoa!  The show that was supposed to happen the Friday before we arrived was canceled due to weather; it was John Cougar Mellencamp.  Crazy!

After the Yarra Valley we drove down the Great Ocean Road.  We’d planned to head out on the Great Ocean Road first, and the Yarra Valley the next day, but sadly, in the night a truck driver perished on the road outside of Geelong – his truck completely incinerated, flames scarring the hillside opposite where it caught fire.  The Great Ocean Road was closed for the whole morning.  That evening we drove through the accident site – everything was pitch black for 20 feet in all directions.  The view from where the fellow died, well, it could’ve been a lot worse.  The area around there was stunning.  Actually, many spots on the road were panoramically perfect.

(That evening was saw a cute light house and beautiful coastline at sunset.  We continued the drive to the area where the 12 Apostles rock formation was located, arriving sometime around 11 PM.  We rolled down our seats (yeah, they were the crank kind – grr) and slept fitfully in the car, having to turn the engine on intermittently when the cold woke us up.  I am pretty sure I was able to spot the Southern Cross – though in that middle-of-nowhere darkness, there was so many stars vying for attention it’s tough to be certain.  We were out of the car by 6:30 AM and on our way to photograph the 12 Apostles at sunrise.
So. Beautiful.  *sigh*

We drove back along the Great Ocean Road, stopping for breakfast at a cute place in Apollo Bay that occupied the second story of a builing along the main street.  It afforded amazing views of the curving bay outside.  In a parking lot across the street, a man practiced tricks on his bike for over an hour!  He was quite good and I had a rather enjoyable time trying to capture his stunts in photos.  They don’t do it justice though.  You really need to see the motion for something like that – especially when it was choreographed like a beautiful dance.  See, I can appreciate art in some forms! :)

We secured a room in Melbourne, quickly showered, and set out again for Phillip “penguin” Island.  After hearing the different ‘penguin encounters’ you could have at the mega-commercial research and preservation facility, we opted for one of the more private and ‘authentic’ options.  Instead of sitting in bleachers on a beach lit up by floodlights with hundreds of other people and lots of screaming kids, we opted to go with a ranger and 4 other people in wind and water proof suits (thankfully provided by the company as it did start raining) to the opposite site of the penninsula (the ranger pronounced it peninshoola) and sit on a dark beach with night vision goggles clutched to our faces and watch little penguins clamber to the dunes.  We then followed some of these penguins along the road back to the facility; many of them have their homes in burrows there.  They were cute, but the best part was how happy Justin was to see the penguins coming up the beach.  He kept pointing them out to me.  I really never see him that excited  so it was well worth the drive, cold, and cash.

The next morning, we flew to Tasmania! The flight in alone was breathtaking.  The water was so clear you could see straight through it down to the rocks below from 1,000+ feet in the air.  The ocean presented myriad shades of blue from the palest sandiest blue to deep sapphire.  The island itself had a mountaineous green landscape remniscient of the Carribbean.  The small towns we glimpsed while flying in were subtley colorful and absolutely adorable.  We both liked Tasmania immediately. It didn’t hurt that we lucked out and stayed at a really nice, comfortable hotel right across from a lovely little harbor.  The day we arrived we were pretty beat from all our going so we just took it easy.  I got my haircut, Justin got a massage, and we both napped before getting ready for a night on the town.  Justin surprised me by ordering a “Taste of Tasmania” from room service which included a selection of Tasmanian cheese and a bottle of wine.  After this, we had a good dinner at an Indian restaurant in an area of town known as Salamanca.  Search for a dance spot mentioned in the Fodor’s guide led us to a pub where music by the Smiths flowed softly out. We ducked inside.  It turned out to be a cozy joint with a roaring fire.  The bar tender, a really pretty gal with freckles, informed me that the club (upstairs) was no longer opened on Wednesday nights.  Oh well. We got into a conversation about travel in which she told me she’d just returned from a year in Central America.  She flew in to Costa Rica and traveled around – starting out by herself and making some friends along the way.  Her boyfriend came and spent the last four months with her.  She quite enjoyed her time there and even went to Nicaragua.  And no, she doesn’t speak any Spanish whatsoever.  I was a bit envious of her guts and lengthy journey.  She seemed like a cool chick.  Upon leaving this pub, we found a bar serving mixed drinks that had a DJ, but also no dancing.  We weren’t here for too long before calling it a night.

The following day, Justin and I were bound for Port Arthur, a penal settlement from the 1800s.  Along the way, we stopped to take some photos and then at a Tasmanian Devil (and other wildlife) park.  Wee!!!  We saw several adorable devils walking around in their enclosures, foraging for food, taking a dip in the water, and basking in the sunlight.  They’re SO adorable.  We also fed more kangaroos.  These were also lazy and lethargic, but not as bad as the others.  It was a much more enjoyable experience.  We ended up being there for quite a while, so our visit to Port Arthur literally consisted of glimpsing it and leaving with out paying the $20/pp entry fee.  You see, we had to make it to Kettering in time to catch the 6:30 ferry to Bruny Island.  We stopped to photograph more cool Ocean rock formations on the way back home – the neatest of which was the tessellated pavement.  Weird stuff!

We arrived at the ferry landing at 6:15 – phew! – crossed to Bruny Island, seeking out food, and then proceeding to the main attraction.  Why did we go to this incredibly remote island off the already somewhat remote island of Tasmania (I mean, come on, only 500,000 people live on the entire island of Tasmania!)?  To see penguins in the wild!!! Well, they were sort of in the wild, if you consider a boardwalk through their burrows “the wild.”  It was ultra cool and we were able to take photos because no one was there to tell us not to (yes, I realize I sound like a bratty little kid by saying that).  Oddly enough, there were also 6 other people viewing the penguins with us this time, but I felt like we were all much more intrepid than the viewers at the last penguin outing.  On the way to our lodging that night (we were stuck on Bruny Island due to the fact that the last ferry leaves at 7PM), we saw lots of penguins and marsupials including kangaroos/wallabies and two brushtail possums!  Man, it seems like all those weird Australian critters ar marsupials.  In our room, there was a small fireplace that we got going and sat around talking about the day and trying to stay warm before turning in for the night under electric blankets.  This trip was much chillier than we had anticipated!

The next day it was rainy on Bruny Island, which dashed our hiking plans, so we head out first thing back to the main land, visiting Australia’s Antarctic Headquarters, the Cadbury factory, and a winery before returning to the airport for our flight out.  That night we arrived out our hotel in Sydney at midnight – argh!  We’d been hoping to fit in one more night out, but it was not to be.  A line of Japanese people with some Caucasians mixed in snaked out the door of the hotel when we arrived.  Apparently a Qantas flight to Narita had been canceled and many of the passengers had been put up at our hotel.  As a result, our room had been upgraded to a gigantic executive suite.  After checking in, Justin and I tried to order room service but were told it would be over an hour before food would arrive.  We gave up and walked to a nearby 7-11, grabbing soup, a slushy, a meatpie (I think is what Justin got) and chips before heading back to the hotel and watching their incredibly informative news program.  We passed out shortly thereafter.

Our flight back to the US the next day was at noon.  It was pretty full so we weren’t sure we would make it on.  We did but our seats were on opposite sides of the aircraft.  Thanks to tons of luck, some passengers were not feeling too well and deplaned, so the flight attendants were able to put Justin and I together – in two middle seats in the middle of the plane.  It was worth it.

We opted out of the second leg on our Qantas flight from LAX to JFK and took a shuttle over to Long Beach to fly to Austin.  Mom and Dad picked us up – the puppies were with them. It was a really nice reunion and we got bubble tea from a delicious place in Austin before heading back the Mom & Dad’s house and forcing them to sit through photos.  Luckily, Sheila and Sharlin had been visiting Nanny and all three came down for a little while.  We watched a video of Brennan, Sheila’s baby -er- fetus (no longer dubbed Peanut).  It looked like a freaky skeleton baby with a beating heart. Yikes!  Good to hear the development is going well, though.  Mom, Dad, Justin and I continued to my favorite Mexican restaurant for dinner that night (Tomatillos) where I had one too many margartias (2) and that was that.  The next day we flew back home to a COLD NYC night.

Lying in bed in Texas, I was awoken by my dad bringing in Justin’s cell phone. The alarm was going off.  It was 8:30 AM in NY, 7 :30 here.  I considered getting up after only 4 hours of sleep to walk down the street and see my grandmother (Nanny), a ridiculously early riser.  I’d spoken with my cousin Sheila the night before; she told me she and her husband (Justin) were going to have breakfast with Nanny at 7 AM.  Yeah, right.  Sheila is notorious for consistent inconsistency.

The thought occurred to me of playing a terrible practical joke on Sheila – pretending Nanny had died by getting there before her, conspiring with Nanny and hiding her, and basically lying through my teeth when Sheila arrived.  Obviously, this thought process got me thinking of how sad everyone would be if Nanny were to die for real and how devastated my cousin David would be.  How devastated I would be.

Mom, Me, Jared, and Val! - Halloween 1994

Thoughts leading on to other thoughts, I remembered the last time someone incredibly important to me died.  It was Dec. 2005 and the neighbor I’d had and helped raise (he was 6 years younger than me) and played with practically my whole life committed suicide. His mother found his body hanging in his closet.  I remembered going to his wake and half-hoping in that ridiculous manner that people do when they don’t want to believe reality that it was all an elaborate ruse and Jared would call it off at any moment.  Val! and I swore we wouldn’t be angry if he’d planned the whole thing as some gigantic practical joke, or even just some way to prove to himself that lots of people cared about him (people came out en masse – it was incredible to see the number of lives this young guy had touched).  I lost it as soon as I saw his lifeless body in the coffin.  Even from the entrance of the chapel, it was apparent the spark that was Jared’s being was gone forever.

I remembered that I’d dressed Goth that night and for the funeral the next day in honor of Jared.  It was something he used to tease me relentlessly about, even though he always conceded to letting Valerie and I dress him up and put makeup on him. It was at this moment that it struck me where my ankh was.  As I approached Jared’s coffin the day of his funeral to say my final goodbye, I ripped my ankh from around my neck and laid it on his chest.  Strange how we’re driven to do symbolic things, like adorning a corpse with a necklace before sending it into the ground forever, as a way of saying goodbye.  Utterly pointless but entirely human.

Mystery solved.  I wonder what it was about this thought process, this story, that drove me to get up at 7:30 AM after a mere 4 hours of sleep and type it up to share with my poor readers.  I feel a little guilty about it, because spreading misery is not my goal, but it seemed important, even interesting, to me.  I guess revelations and understanding are interesting to me.  Anyway, I am going to lay down and try to go back to sleep.

Follow Up:  I didn’t want to leave any of you guys hanging as I am sure you’re on the edge of your seat wondering, “Did Sheila show up at 7 AM this morning at Nanny’s house?!”  Like a good author and fact-checker, I just got off the phone with Nanny.  Sheila did not show up afterall.  Justin left a message saying something about abdominal pain (she is pregnant – sounds like a good reason).  I guess it’s good to be able to bank on the actions of someone you know pretty darn well.  Nanny did, however, make Schmawn* in the anticipation of Sheila and Justin’s arrival.  Don’t worry guys – my Justin and I will take care of it for you.  Good morning all.

* Schmawn is pancake mix + oil stirred constantly over heat in a big pot til there are tiny cooked pancake crumbles.  Served in a bowl covered with syrup.  Oh deliciousness.

Justin and Vanessa at Castle Wawel in Krakow - Vistula River flowing past

As some of you already know, Justin surprised me with a trip to Poland for our fourth anniversary.  While we did things tourists are typically expected to do, such as visiting Castle Wawel and snapping photos in Rynek Glowny (the grand square) in Krakow, and strolling through Stephansplatz and along the Danube Canal in Vienna, the primariy purpose of our visit was so that I could experience, first hand, the land of my ancestors.

For a time I’ve been working on a family website based on research my great aunt,

Justin at St. Stephen's Cathedral - Stephansplatz, Vienna, Austria

Vanessa in St. Jacobus in Nysa, Poland

Read and get a glimpse into my mind and my life at 21 as a senior in college:

Tuesday, September 11, 2001

8:45 AM

A call this morning from Mike’s mom, and we turn the TV on, in time to see the third plane crashing into the 2nd World Trade Center, in time to see the first disappearing in a puff of smoke, and hear, finally, that one of the planes was an American Airlines plane hijacked from Boston. My first thought, “Thank goodness Dave and Rob don’t really fly out of Boston – They’re international…” My second thought, “But Sheila ISN’T!” I immediately get on the phone to call Sheila. Her voice is raw from crying. She is okay – at home in San Antonio. David was in Chicago about to take off, and Rob was safe at home. Thankfully, all outgoing flights have been canceled, and everyone I care about is safe.

I hang up and start bawling into Mike’s shirt. Eventually I compose myself, temporarily. He runs to school and I call my mom, who is very concerned about me, and is thankful and relieved to hear Sheila is safe and in town. She called Robert first. His cell phone is not working, possibly because the Trade Center Tower #1 has fallen. Suddenly, the second tower collapses into a heap – a pile of dust. I start crying and mom is concerned. She tells me I may be wrong. She can’t believe the whole thing is gone – fallen into a pile of dust. How odd, it seems, when only the top was destroyed the whole thing would crumble. I wonder what they will build there now.

I don’t want to go to school. I want to be with my family. I want to hug Sheila because she is still here; she is ok, thank god…

So the Pentagon was crashed into and the State Dept. was bombed (car bomb). Shade says, “but this means war in our lifetime Ness…this is worst we’ve seen.” and I suppose he’s right. After all, we need something to boost the economy, right Mr. President? I don’t want to believe it was an “inside job.” I don’t want to believe this has happened, period.

I’ve got to go… School starts in 30 minutes, after all.

Val!, Karen and Mike - Pink Pony Luv

Val!, Karen and Mike - oh the masquerade!

Love you guys!!! And I miss you! XO XO

Nessy

PS: If anyone out there wants to take silly photos and email them to me, that’d be awesome too! :)  Maybe we can get Peanut in on the action… She kinda looks like she is “E” shaped in the photos below. :)

Update: Another one!  I love this one! The lighting is great! Look how long and pretty Karen’s hair is!  I definitely dig everyone’s expressions on the “N” here.

Val!, Karen and Mike - Stinky feet!