goth
Ankhs in the Ground
Saturday, November 15th, 2008 | Thoughts | 7 Comments
Premise: For Halloween I dressed up just a little gothy. However, I was missing one vital accessory for my outfit: my ankh necklace. I knew I had one somewhere, but the where was eluding me. I couldn’t recall the last time I’d worn it or the last place I’d seen it. I considered searching in the bedroom, though even that seemed pointless. Had I brought it to New York with me at all? My memory was failing me, as is often the case, so I didn’t give it much more thought until the mystery unraveled in a morbid thought process this morning.
Lying in bed in Texas, I was awoken by my dad bringing in Justin’s cell phone. The alarm was going off. It was 8:30 AM in NY, 7 :30 here. I considered getting up after only 4 hours of sleep to walk down the street and see my grandmother (Nanny), a ridiculously early riser. I’d spoken with my cousin Sheila the night before; she told me she and her husband (Justin) were going to have breakfast with Nanny at 7 AM. Yeah, right. Sheila is notorious for consistent inconsistency.
The thought occurred to me of playing a terrible practical joke on Sheila - pretending Nanny had died by getting there before her, conspiring with Nanny and hiding her, and basically lying through my teeth when Sheila arrived. Obviously, this thought process got me thinking of how sad everyone would be if Nanny were to die for real and how devastated my cousin David would be. How devastated I would be.
Mom, Me, Jared, and Val! - Halloween 1994
Thoughts leading on to other thoughts, I remembered the last time someone incredibly important to me died. It was Dec. 2005 and the neighbor I’d had and helped raise (he was 6 years younger than me) and played with practically my whole life committed suicide. His mother found his body hanging in his closet. I remembered going to his wake and half-hoping in that ridiculous manner that people do when they don’t want to believe reality that it was all an elaborate ruse and Jared would call it off at any moment. Val! and I swore we wouldn’t be angry if he’d planned the whole thing as some gigantic practical joke, or even just some way to prove to himself that lots of people cared about him (people came out en masse - it was incredible to see the number of lives this young guy had touched). I lost it as soon as I saw his lifeless body in the coffin. Even from the entrance of the chapel, it was apparent the spark that was Jared’s being was gone forever.
I remembered that I’d dressed Goth that night and for the funeral the next day in honor of Jared. It was something he used to tease me relentlessly about, even though he always conceded to letting Valerie and I dress him up and put makeup on him. It was at this moment that it struck me where my ankh was. As I approached Jared’s coffin the day of his funeral to say my final goodbye, I ripped my ankh from around my neck and laid it on his chest. Strange how we’re driven to do symbolic things, like adorning a corpse with a necklace before sending it into the ground forever, as a way of saying goodbye. Utterly pointless but entirely human.
Mystery solved. I wonder what it was about this thought process, this story, that drove me to get up at 7:30 AM after a mere 4 hours of sleep and type it up to share with my poor readers. I feel a little guilty about it, because spreading misery is not my goal, but it seemed important, even interesting, to me. I guess revelations and understanding are interesting to me. Anyway, I am going to lay down and try to go back to sleep.
Follow Up: I didn’t want to leave any of you guys hanging as I am sure you’re on the edge of your seat wondering, “Did Sheila show up at 7 AM this morning at Nanny’s house?!” Like a good author and fact-checker, I just got off the phone with Nanny. Sheila did not show up afterall. Justin left a message saying something about abdominal pain (she is pregnant - sounds like a good reason). I guess it’s good to be able to bank on the actions of someone you know pretty darn well. Nanny did, however, make Schmawn* in the anticipation of Sheila and Justin’s arrival. Don’t worry guys - my Justin and I will take care of it for you. Good morning all.
* Schmawn is pancake mix + oil stirred constantly over heat in a big pot til there are tiny cooked pancake crumbles. Served in a bowl covered with syrup. Oh deliciousness.
Sisters of Mercy - Quick Rant
Tuesday, November 4th, 2008 | Negativity | 2 Comments
On the Way Home - Queensborough Bridge - Just Like a Dog
Just got back from the Sisters of Mercy concert and wanted to post a quick rant with my thoughts. When something is really great, or really shite, I just have to get it out.
ARGHHH!!!
I was really pleasantly surprised with Hypernova (opening band). Obviously we wouldn’t have paid $50 / ticket for them, not being familiar with them or anything… No, we spent over $100 to see The Sisters of Mercy for the first time. I’ve been a big fan of theirs for over a decade now and, perhaps, expected too much.
Yes, I admit I expected to hear the vocals sans some effect that literally had them fading in and out every second on top of being drowned out by music. I also would have liked to hear all of Lucretia My Reflection… I would have liked to hear more than 3 minutes of This Corrosion. As I said, I guess I expected too much.
The highlight of the concert, for me, were the cool concert-goers. There were some nifty people there that were into it, making the best of it, and a lot that seemed to just want to connect and have a shared experience. I also enjoyed some of the outfits, smiles, and thoughtfulness. One attendee offered me the spot she was standing in when she noticed a friend of hers was blocking my view. That was *really nice* - and just in time for Lucretia, which, as I mentioned, ended early. *sigh* At least they played it.
My recommendation is that you just save your money and listen to your CDs with a bunch of friends. You might want to check out Hypernova, though, when they’re playing for less than $50 somewhere. I kind of wish I had seen this somewhere in the $20-$25 price range so I wouldn’t be quite as upset. Still upset, granted, but not as. Why, NY, why do you have to charge double what any other city charges for the same show? :(
I admit that though I wasn’t thrilled with the cost of the concert, I was feeling very thankful to be able to afford to go to the show. At the same time, Justin and I were two of the youngest people in attendance, doubtless in part due to the exorbitant price. That was pretty cool. I totally felt like a kid again! :)
Justin grabbed a little video, but you can’t tell much from it. Feel free to check it out, though.
Luckily the Toadies concert is on Thursday, which should be GOOD. I have actually seen The Toadies 5+ times and know what to expect. Weeee!!!
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