True, I’ve never really liked you. I’ve snickered at you behind your back, and the one time I wandered into your store, I thumbed my nose at your shoddy furniture. But, honestly, I was just being a snob. I had no real reason to dislike you. You were just kind of like that dorky kid in class that got made fun of for no good reason except you didn’t fit in.

But this time, Big Lots, you’ve really gone and done it. You’ve given me a reason to shun you forever. You’re selling, quite possibly, the most idiotic contraption ever invented. God only knows how many poor suckers have bought the item in question from you.

I truly only have one question repeating over and over in my head.

Why, Big Lots, for God’s Sake, WHY!? Is this really necessary?

No – don’t speak… I know the answer… The sad truth is, somewhere out there, someone requested this hideously stupid invention. I worry for our children and our children’s children.