Thoughts
Thoughts of a Random Variety – Yesterday
Thursday, February 4th, 2010 | Thoughts | 0 Comments
Who knew that brie was the cheese of kings? (Seen at the Lenny’s in Rockefeller center concourse.)
The good thing about where I work is it’s very easy to focus on just work and not get confused about friendships or comfortability.
I hate when people say flushing out when they mean fleshing out.
I find it highly amusing that my coworker is sitting there playing brick breaker during this meeting.
Does it ever really freeze in Montauk? (I was thinking about Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.)
“Iran sends rocket with animal menagerie into space” was a headline on the news monitor in the office elevator. I thought it was pretty interesting word usage. First, I thought of the animals done up like circus animals, then I thought of the Tennesee Williams play, and finally I landed on the glass case in my grandmother’s house that has it’s own animal menagerie inside.
Always at Odds
Sunday, November 15th, 2009 | Thoughts | 0 Comments
Why are my thoughts continually diametrically opposed to one another? I would say that it’s because I am at a unique point in my life, being one year from thirty, and trying to decide what I want to do and who I want to be, but this is the same question I face on-and-off without it being relative to the year or anything else.
At this specific moment, my mind flits between ideas such as staying in New York and working hard where I am, which everyone seems to believe is best for my career. I consider moving back to Texas, specifically Austin. I consider checking out the west coast. I fancifully think about traveling through South America to really learn Spanish, possibly finding a graduate school in Argentina in which to enroll. Maybe it’s because of boredom. I don’t really know. I doubt, at moments like this, that I have the capacity or drive for actual lasting happiness, although I realize it is a common belief that happiness is not lasting – that there are only moments of it. Satisfaction, then. Contentment. I wonder if that’s where I am right now. I suppose it could be. So then, if so, perhaps it is not enough.
A couple of weeks ago I had a meeting with a director of a different department from mine. He travels frequently for work. I commented that it must get tiring. He responded that it didn’t really bother him because he loves his job. I think that must be a really fantastic feeling. Granted there are so many different types of people in the world, but I wonder why I don’t feel that same level of fulfillment and whether I possibly can. I wonder if I should have majored in something else, or should have become a programmer, or what to do, now, knowing that I haven’t been terrible ecstatic with anything I’ve done, minus working those relaxed, low-paid hours in the studio, perhaps.
I wonder why so many other people seem content working for years at a job which doesn’t make them happy and I quickly try to change my position. Once again, it brings me back to feeling that perhaps I am wired wrong for society, but I don’t know. Today, I don’t feel any deep depression. I don’t feel that fear of being terrifically out of place. I just wonder if there is something better out there. I guess that’s the trouble with me. My mother told me many years ago that nothing is ever enough for me. I think about that often – about how right she must’ve been.
The Julie/Julia Movie
Sunday, September 6th, 2009 | Thoughts | 0 Comments
So I saw Julie and Julia. I can’t actually say I liked the movie. There were parts I liked. I probably would’ve preferred the movie to just be Meryl Streep’s rendition of Julia Child, but the modern Julie story had some good points to it. When Julia was describing how happy she was to get up at 5:30 in the morning to head to cooking school I practically burst into a crying fit because I wish that’s how I felt about *my* life. Maybe one day.
Anyhow, because I am a curious (or obsessive?) person, I came home to google the movie and see if I could find Julie’s original blog. (I did – feel free to read it here.) After her blogging project was complete, she wrote the book Julie and Julia, on which the film is based. I think they probably made the character in the movie a little more likable and normal. The actual blogger was a snake owning atheist. Not quite the same wholesome character. Although, being that she was born and raised in Austin, you have to give her a little credit. Also, I don’t feel like I can form a fully educated opinion on the woman being that I’ve only read a week’s worth of her blog posts so far. And anyway, I like this line: “I had never in my nearly thirty years of life eaten an egg, but I ate one today. So that’s where I am. In a week of this experiment, I have cooked 14 recipes, but mostly I ate my first egg.”
The length and detail of the blog posts really hearken back to an earlier time in blogging history, before we all had ADD and, certainly, before Facebook and Twitter. Off to bed with me now. Much more to read at a later date. :)
PS: Can you imagine this scene in Park Slope nowadays? I feel like things must’ve been different 7 years ago!
I suppose I should be feeling at peace with the world standing in a long grocery line standing behind a skinhead mother buying organic fruit leather for her adorably dreadlocked son and in front of a couple with matching blue hair buying soy milk and Rao’s marinara sauce, but instead I feel mostly like climbing the walls.
Overcoming Sleeplessness by Journaling
Friday, April 10th, 2009 | Thoughts, Writing | 0 Comments
Everything devolves. Everything trends toward decay.
We are living in the petri dish of our own halfway point. The organizing, cleaning, exercise, and motivation has ceased. We wait to see what will happen. If anything will grow.
Ambition has ground to a halt. Projects have paused midstream. They often do. Everything is on hiatus. When left to its own devices, nature breaks things down – rot, weakness, crumbling, oblivion are inevitable.
Is there beauty in dystopia? We used to think so. We were children (”We are all just foolish children, searching desperately for ourselves, and in that struggle, we are lost.” – Me circa 1995/1996) and everything we thought or wept meant so much. It was never “Now what?” but always “What’s next?” The world was rife with beauty, sorrow, loneliness, and possibilities – even in the futile sameness I perceived was out there. My isolated, questioning tears seemed so significant.
We write things off as “the angst of youth.” For us, it was a time of self-centered importance, to be sure, but also of analysis, of well thought out arguments lasting into the early morning hours. Of ideas that created stories, self-published magazines, performances, and, yes, philosophical movements. It was a time of possibility and action. Not, as now, of taking things at face value. Accepting and not questioning. Taking what is offered without striving for personal goals and growth.
These are the thoughts preventing my sleep tonight, probably because I’ve got a meeting with a tech recruiter tomorrow which has made me introspective. In my dreams last night I was a super hero, graced with exceptional speed and the power to manipulate objects with my mind, but I was unable to achieve my desired transformation – to dissolve into a billion particles and disperse. To escape the evil pursuers attempting to capture me and obtain the information I was privy to. (I don’t recall what this was.) I wonder if we’ll ever understand the significance of dreams…
Is this odd, in-between place really where true change occurs? Is the past gone forever? Or, more importantly, are those people that we were gone forever?
Note About the Weather
Friday, March 13th, 2009 | Thoughts | 0 Comments
I woke up at half past 7 AM (central time) to the sound of a distant rumble followed a few minutes later by a flash. A good old fashioned Texas thunderstorm was moving off. Staring out the window I noticed the sky lightening and listened to the sound of slow rain, coyotes faintly howling in the distance, and the whistle of artificial heat from the vents above my bed. It’s nice to be home.
Resolutions in Single Word Form
Monday, January 5th, 2009 | Positivity | 0 Comments
Execute. Meaning. Fun.
What will your 3 words for 2009 be?
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